I think I don’t have to tell you guys about how my 2012 was. I know it’s pretty much obvious that it’s been a tough year for me. Yes definitely. I cannot remember how many times I cried this year. How many times I wished for something I know I won’t get. I don’t know how many times I tried to accept the fact that the only thing / person I want in my life won’t be mine. But let me share you the things I learned this year…
2012 made me a better person inspite of all the pain and trials that I am going through right now. It made me see how LOVE can change a person. I never believe in true love, happy endings, great love or what kind of love pa yan. Pero one thing I have learned this year, TRUE LOVE REALLY EXIST. Yea it does! And I found mine this year, oh wait actually nung 2011 pa but I realized HE’s my true love just this year. He’s the only person that changed me, without asking me to. The only person that I exerted too much effort just to make him happy. The only person I have loved and will always love, inspite of all his kalokohan…and even sometimes when he is rejecting me. The only person that makes me believe in forever… the only person I have seen myself spending forever with. The only man I would do everything just to make him smile. The only man I have loved unconditionally and I think will continue to love. I have done so many things for him, without asking anything in return. I realized I can love someone pala without being selfish. Without thinking about myself anymore. I have no regrets about all the efforts that I gave to him. I just want to feel that all my efforts are appreciated and that it made him smile. This year made me realized that you might find your true love, but that doesn’t mean that he will be yours, and that you will have a happy ending. Isn’t it unfair? Why do we need to love someone or to feel this kind of love towards someone who wasn’t meant to fall in love with us? Well I guess, that’s what I need to understand on this coming year.
This year was so great. I have done so many things that I’ve never ever done before. Only because of this one guy.
I love you. And I always will. Nothing can ever change that. Not the distance, not your kalokohan, not your mood swings, not your being insensitive, not your weird hairstyle, not your gimiks/drinking sessions, not your corny jokes, not your imperfections and NEVER your too many admirers! :)
Yesterday afternoon we went out of the office to buy coffee at starbucks as I will be needing 3 more stickers to get the 2013 planner. I was so excited but before going to starbucks I was asked to accompany the 2 kids to buy happy meal at Mcdo. And since I love kids and I am on a good mood yesterday. I agreed. So I ordered 1 piece chicken for the both of them. They were really excited, I thought because of the food *because they were super hungry or maybe because of the chicken??* duh? But when the lady gave the kids their happy meals… strawberry shortcake & Batman toy. I could not describe how big the smile of the kids are! They were really happy & jumping like they’re crazy. With just a blink of eye, I find them sitting and playing with their toys. It made me smile. Realizing how kids can be happy with just a simple toy. No wonder why it is called happy meal. Then we left the kids at mcdo while they are busy eating & playing with their new toys. We went to starbucks to buy coffee… and tadaaaaa i finally got my 2013 planner. I smiled. But then I realized I am not that happy as much as the kids were when they got their new toys. I felt sad. I cannot explain why sometimes simple things can’t make us happy anymore. Maybe because the pain that we are feeling can’t be erase by a simple happy meal or starbucks planner or whatever things we want. Maybe because I am not after all those material things, that’s now what I need to be happy. And never will I be happy because of those. How I wish I can go back to those times when toys, chocolates, new clothes & candies can take away all the sadness and pain that I am feeling. How I wish to go back on the days when just playing around can make me happy. How I wish I can go back to the days when everything is simple. No pain. No worries. No tears. But too bad, we cannot. And we have to wake up everyday and be strong no matter how painful everything is.
Once upon a time, I met this guy. He was one of those boys that I have met and never get attracted to. I did not find him attractive but I guess first impression NEVER last. He was just a typical guy for me, the way he looks, the way he walks, the way he talks, nothing special, really. We barely talk to each other as I think he did not find me attractive also. Well I guess, the feeling is mutual. We didn’t talk for I think a week or two. Until one morning, we decided to eat breakfast together with two other officemates. That’s the time that I have no choice but to talk to him. He was the one who approached me, offering me ketchup but I rejected his offer because of my p-r-i-d-e? HAHA. The next time I find myself talking to him is I think while we were drinking? We decided to go on a gimik with other officemates. We were left together as our other friends went to the comfort room. He grab my hand and I’m a little surprise. He said “Tignan nga natin kung sakto yung kamay natin..” and I said .. “Parang hindi naman” while laughing. We even had a dare about that “develop” thing and I assure to him that I am not that kind of girl. I never saw myself falling inlove with him. Why? Because HE IS DEFINITELY NOT MY TYPE.
I think that’s how it all started. We started to get close. Exchanging stories, corny jokes, and even problems. Until one day, I find myself smiling everytime I’m talking to him or everytime I am with him. That unknown feeling went deeper. We watch movies together *even I am really not into movies*, we eat dinner together, we always talk to each other even during office hours, late night talks. Corny yet SWEET banat. We even see each other during weekends just to watch a movie or just stroll. Watch basketball game together. Bringing me home considering the fact that his house is at makati while ours is here in Malabon. Not leaving me alone no matter how hard it is to wait for the jeep or how crowded the LRT was. EFFORT *which I never thought he would do*. All day texting. Holding hands. Sweet kisses. Forehead kisses. Stolen kisses. Goodbye kisses. I miss you txt. We’ve been like that for months. I have seen how much he has changed. From the first time that we met, and until the day I find myself falling inlove with him I never thought of him as chickboy, playboy, and bad boy that his other friends keep telling me. Maybe because he showed to me his other side, that side that no one actually sees. Or maybe no one wants to see because they are focusing on his bad side which I never saw. He treated me in a way that a gentleman will do. A way that his friends will never ever expect him to do. I did not expect it either. I have seen how good he is, how loyal & faithful he can be, how understanding & patient he is, how sweet he can be and how perfect he is. I am definitely sure we were having that same feeling towards each other. He made me understand things that I never thought I can understand. He made me do things I never thought I will do for a guy. I even gave him too much effort just to make him smile. We were happy. And I think we are really perfect for each other. No misunderstandings. No insecurities. No doubts. No petty quarrels. No jealousy. No lies. No secrets. Is that how a perfect relationship can be describe? We were so comfortable with each other. We don’t need to pretend to be somebody when we are together. That’s him and this is me. I like everything about him including his imperfections. I saw and felt how happy he was whenever we were together. I trust him so much and I am sure that whatever he do, I can understand it. He is the only guy that I saw myself spending forever with. I will never ever give up on him no matter how pasaway he is or how insensitive he can be sometimes.
And just when I though everything is perfectly fine…
I find him choosing someone else over me. And I have to act like everything is nothing. What else can I do? I have done everything yet it will never be enough for him to choose me. I will never ever be his girl. And he will never ever be mine. </3
(Source: , via letmefeelthemagic)